Ready for Those Flashing Lights

Here it is... the moment we've all been waiting for... Katie Scenic's karaoke debut! It's a very special day in a Scenic's life when her attention whoring finally outweighs her performance anxiety, and luckily for you, we documented the occasion.

What better artist to pay homage to than the biggest attention whore of all, Lady Gaga. Her eccentric outfits and sexy women's prison videos cannot hide the fact that she is actually a witty and talented songwriter whom we can't seem to stop referencing. We've already told you how versatile and moving the seemingly trite pop hit Paparazzi can be, but now let us demonstrate. (ie. Look what we can do!)



Jackie Scenic prefers to do her attention-whoring in the privacy of her own home. Thank god for the internets!

(note the leopard-print snuggie in the background...)

What Not To Hear: Carbon 9 cover Danzig's Mother

Yeah, I just covered Danzig's mother too. Get it? Cuz she's easy?

(JK, Danzig - love you - xoxo)

But seriously, earlier today I heard a godawful cover version of Danzig's classic "Mother" and, well, I just threw up in my ears a little bit. Now, not everyone needs to love Danzig, or even like metal, but sometimes a great song is a great song. And "Mother" is a great song, thanks to three great power chords that go great together, Glenn Danzig's sexy baritone an charmingly predatory antisocial message. Internet research suggests that what I heard was this:

Though it's certainly possible that many, many crappy covers of this song are floating around out there.

Personally I have a deep affection for Danzig, regardless of their extremely hit or miss track record (of tracks - ha!), so I take this half-assed remake as a personal insult. Danzig the first band I got to see live in a club (The Sting in New Britain, with then-unknowns Korn and Marilyn Manson) and "Mother" (the live '93 version to be exact) was a ubiquitous radio staple in my formative years as a music-head. And like I said it's just great. Here, relive it:

Carbon 9's (whoever they are) abomination is overproduced nu-metal nightmare which mistakes style for substance and makes the hideous errors of reducing the song's tempo, forgoing the powerful opening riff, and diminishing the song's melodic qualities due to vocal limitations which no doubt define the rest of their repertoire.

Now taking the tempo down on a great song isn't always a bad thing. It can bring out emotional dimensions or make room for instrumental and melodic exploration, as when Lady Gaga covers herself, or some random fans cover her. But Carbon 9 have nothing to contribute except for random electronic whooshing and weak, tortured post-grunge vocals. They come across as a pathos-deficient watered down Marilyn Manson - too little, a decade and a half too late.

In point of fact, when doing a cover, a band ought to try and make it their own - otherwise it's just karaoke. Unfortunately, Carbon 9's own just happens to suck.

I haven't seen Danzig live in probably 10 years, so I can't vouch for his current line-up, body or vocal condition, but you can catch him live in NYC June 18 at the Nokia Theatre.