WINNING!?

Yesterday I was sincerely surprised to read in the Hartford Advocate Readers Poll that CT Scenic had come in second place for "Best Local Blogger," and even more astonished to see that we had beaten third placer Colin McEnroe, who we had anticipated losing to and predicted to win first place back when we were first begging for your votes.

We already knew we hadn't won-won, since real winners were notified in advance and trotted out for pictures and interviews (I participated in this process on the editorial side, once upon a time). Our relative victory over famous professional Colin was sweet, but we were startled and frankly pissed to see a blog we've never even heard of, Sprinkles of Parsley, take the cake. Colin we would have expected. We would have graciously accepted defeat at the hands of one of the seemingly more dedicated and earnest (see, we're so humble) CT scene blogs like CT Indie or Real Hartford. But food porn - really CT?

If I may pull a Kanye on my own blog's behalf here for a moment: that lady may live in our state, and those pictures are really high resolution, for sure, but that shit has nothing to do with Connecticut, and it's only a "blog" because free blogs are an idiot-proof way to put content on the internet without knowing dick about websites, not because it includes links or commentary or current events or anything else normally associated with the tone or character or blogging.

We totally hate parsley.

This may seem like "sore losing" but would you expect anything less (or is it more) from us? Bitch, please. Whatever it takes to feel like a win.

And now that we're winners, I feel kind of bad about not posting for like four weeks. That makes us kind of a lousy blog. But truth be told, as much as I like to carry on about providing an awesome community service via CT Scenic in my more self-aggrandizing moments, my participation is purely self-serving and any benefits to the readers are purely coincidence. And lately the blog just doesn't isn't delivering for me in the "artistic fulfillment" department, I've failed to get the only jobs that would consider CT Scenic a resume asset, and my non-working hours seem better spent on my food and exercise hobbies/addictions and actually hanging out with the Scenics, who really are the best people ever. But when I look back on the year and a half of Scenic, I realize that many of the best times and new friends are directly tied to CT Scenic-isms, whether it was our own events, things we were encouraged to "blog about" by others, or people who probably wouldn't have been impressed with us if we didn't have some stupid creative angle. Oh wait, if there's anyone actually like that latter, we totally hate them too. It doesn't happen often, but sometimes people say they like what we do and that it actually got the to check something out or like something they wouldn't have otherwise known about (like local TV music guy, Chip, who liked a band we suggested so much he put them on his show and totally plugged us!).

Thanks Chip, and Sidewalk Dave, Real Art Ways, and everyone who voted for your meaningful encouragement and indulgence along the way. In honor of this Readers Poll victory, we pledge to be a better blog, at least for the next couple days. We also intend to fulfill our earlier promise, in case anybody noticed it, to throw a victory party, which we hope will closely resemble our Blogaversary bash in terms of delivering the booze, bands, donuts, gaudy fliers and live Human Centipede reenactments. Alas, we don't have a date or anything yet - everything hinges on being able to pin down our dream bands and venue.

Thanks for bearing with us and reading this terrible post. Enjoy the latest video by our dream band, Black Taxi, and stay tuned.

The Advocate reads CT Scenic so you don't have to (again)

You may remember when it happened with the donuts - a cover story by someone not named Katie Scenic?! And after all those indie donut reviews we did. Well, the tribute is flattering. But flattery won't pay for our $6 Guinnesses this Friday.

This week we're pleased to see our friends You Scream I Scream featured in Dan Barry's Ear Might column, or blog, or whatever they're calling it these days. But his angle on tolerable YSIS - drawing a contrast with intolerable indie rock duos Matt & Kim and Mates of State, and then making a comparison to also-tolerable White Stripes, sounds astonishingly familiar. We're aware that Dan is a reader, so now we know what  homage feels like. Dan also recently wrote an essay about how little money he makes as a freelance writer for the paper. But how much should one be paid for writing casual missives about local pop culture, really? We stopped pretending this was work ages ago, but would gladly take the $8,000 a year as a party budget (more great Scenic parties for you, that is) and keep our day jobs.

The Advocate reads CT Scenic so you don't have to

This week the Hartford Advocate has some suggestions about where to get the best indie donuts in CT. Including some of the spots we've previously reviewed in our popular series, like The Sugar Shack and Neil's.

We read the Courant so you don't have to

But only once every few months or so! Sorry, we're trying to be a better blog.

This guy from Shelton has been charged with sexually assaulting a horse. But no! He says he was only trying to comfort the horsie and whoops, maybe he slipped a finger in. Katie Scenic has actually been up to her elbow in a horse's johnson before (yes, they're reversible), but that is a legit part of routine care for your male horses. However, guy, there is no known excuse for a layperson [huh huh - ed.] to be up in a lady horse's business. Gross!


Oreck wants to suck the breast cancer right outta West Hartford. We look forward to applying for our new jobs as vacuum cleaner salesladies (Jackie and Katie, obvs, hence the gendered term, DH has a career and doesn't need an awful job).

One fraternity from Yale was fiercely determined to show the world that admission to an Ivy League school doesn't entail superior intelligence or sophistication. They succeeded! LOL rape jokes!

That's the catchiest stuff. Want to know more about the increasingly suffocating cost of health care, a bomb threat at UConn or a Tylenol recall? Read it yourself!

We Read the Courant, So You Don't Have To (2nd ed.)

It's that time again. We thought we would check in with the Courant and see what's happening in "journalism" today. We'll make this as quick and painless as possible. If you want it the sexier way, by all means, read the actual Courant.

1. This guy...

...paid his 8-year-old son $1 to swear and use racial slurs on a video for YouTube. He titled it "Swearing Kid." The man was charged with "Impairing the morals of a child". His hair was charged with "having a party in the back AND the front." His beard was charged with "harboring fugitives."

2. This lady...

...admitted to stabbing her diasbled son 35 times. (Her hair was let off with a warning.)

3. A man in a wheelchair escaped from a group home in WeHa and rolled down a nearby hill to his death. (We'll let you decide if this is sad, hilarious, or both.)

4. Friend-of-the-blog John Mertens is taking a little vacay from campaigning for Senator to go to Burning Man. The Courant didn't really know what to make of this.

5. Two women were arrested for forging truck driver's licenses. Their fake company, Affordable CDL, claims to be the "cheapest and best commercial driver's license school in Connecticut." Cheapest? Best? Sign me up.

That, apparently, is all the news that's fit to print. Sigh.

Was it worth it, Laurel?

Amongst her other dirty laundry laid out for all to see in this week's Advocate, one Laurel Touhy - if that even is your name - professes that she chooses the freedom of freelance over such failed ventures as full-time work and long-term monogamy. But we've freelanced (and fucked around) a bit ourselves, and know how much (little) it pays. So we're mystified as to what compelled Laurel to spill her guts about such deeply personal shit as her past cheating, her boyfriend's retaliatory Facebook and bank account terrorism, and how weird it was (is?) sharing a home with him in a lousy real estate economy. Ohhh... this is an article about the times we live in.

Actually, there's probably a lot of humor, pathos and insight to be mined from such experiences, but Laurel lacks the grammatical prowess to pull it off, and a paragraph or so into her story I'm basically lost by her artless shifts in tense from present to past and put off by her trivialization of parenting (a nu-journalistic cliche in itself) via cheap shots about gluten-free diets (er, some people really need them) and redundancies like "cohabitate together" and "Today, I now believe in." Um, obviously.

What could essay writing for the Advocate possibly pay? $150? Less? Maybe it's not about the money and she just needed to get this off her chest. We hope it was worth it, but wouldn't save this one for our portfolio.

CT Scenic announces a new print edition

During today's perusal of the Onion website, my finger carelessly brushed the trackpad of my laptop, inadvertently opening this link. Aha, our future was suddenly clear: CT Scenic would engage in old fashioned print journalism, handling the local angle while the main office cooked up the national stories and handled the big picture.

(the future CT Scenic/Onion CT HQ)

Reports of the death of print journalism are surely greatly exaggerated, right? Actually, the free weeklies are doing fine, it's the more traditional papers that are faring weakly. I mean come on, everyone loves newspapers, right?


Actually, I view newspapers as vital to our American way of life. After all, how are we supposed to get the fire going in the fireplace, pack our dishes when we move or stay warm at night when sleeping on a park bench without the newspaper. I understand that they can also be read.

That seems boring, but whatever.
In any case, I was sizing up candidates for the demanding editor, you're familiar with the stereotype, I'm sure.



Katie Scenic handles the job now, which is fine for a newfangled internet thingy....

Just like any good reporter, I began my research, which turned up this infernal document.

Seems like this is just a half-baked franchise scam, for a mere $100k you get to publish what they send you, and by the way, don't you dare write anything. Actually, why don't you run along and get me a cup of coffee?


And so it goes, dreams of gainful employment while providing service to the community dashed. Those notions seem as antiquated as the newspaper itself.


All this has given us an idea, watch out for an exciting new 'zine....

(cutup by William S Burroughs)

Slow News Day (here too)

Here is an article about nothing, basically. We imagine the editorial direction was something like "Hey, can you give us something more about the swine flu panic? Nothing like beating a dead horse and sending the readers into a panic, eh?" And the intrepid reporter went out looking for "H1N1 Flue Vaccine Supply Dwindles as Demand Spikes," but came back with this.