So, about that new Rudy's

Its about time we checked out the new Rudy's in their new location, which opened on the corner of Chapel and Howe a few months ago, just a few blocks away from their old location, which we now know as Elm Bar. I'm not sure what we were expecting to walk into, but totally experienced a moment of shock and confusion as we took in the large, clean, newly painted, and did I mention CLEAN landscape of the bar and restaurant area.

















(Pardon the crappy pics, the Scenic with the good cellphone camera was busy last night, probably sexting)

The stark contrast to the dark, dingy, carved up little dive bar that is associated with the name Rudy's was a little disorienting at first, but we found that many of the old tabletops and wood panels, with years of initials lovingly and deeply etched in, had been preserved and put into the back room. It certainly is spacious; the front room, where is bar is located, is clean and restaurant-y, and the back room has a teensy bit of old Rudy's nostalgia.

















The entertainment for the evening was a handsome dude DJ team doing what a friend described to us as a "Shag Frenzy-esque" dance night, which is just getting off the ground and hoping to become a regular monthly fixture. The music was fun, and I can't claim to be hipster enough to recognize most of it, but did enjoy dancing to Crystal Castles, Ladytron, Talking Heads, Franz Ferdinand, and the Ting Tings. They had this really sexy lightning lamp on their table!

















My first drink was this tiny little thing for $6.50, but I quickly wised up and asked for a taller glass for my next, um, 5.

















I saw lots of people enjoying fancy beers in interesting looking glasses, and for those of you who care, the Guinness cost $5.50. Although Rudy's now has a full kitchen, I failed to see a menu laying around or anyone really eating food, except for the fries and a few people eating salads at the bar. Its like, its Rudy's, but Rudy's plus... wearing fancy pants... with a bathroom that is not totally scary and gross.

Compete For Our Affections Friday

Friday, June 8
Rhythm and Juke Blues Jumpup II @ Vegas Blvd


All four Scenics gave unanimous and enthusiastic approval for Part I back in April, and are looking forward to Brownbird Rudy Relic, Daddy Longlegs, Diablo Dimes and Orb Mellon's encore performance at our favorite Hartford hipster dive. Hartford has a lot of love for Rudy Relic's steel guitar performances, complete with physical stunts such as leaping through the air, rolling on the ground, dancing on his chair, and jumping right over people's heads while playin' the blues (and can do this without accidentally teabagging anyone, like the stripper from last Friday's outing).

Live Band Karaoke @ Coach's Bar and Grill





















We're thrilled that our friends Bandwith Karaoke have found a Hartford home and will be kicking off their monthly gigs at Coach's. Yes, we will brave the douchestrict to watch friends and strangers live out their rock n' roll fantasies onstage, karaoke style, and maybe we will be so brave that we get onstage ourselves. Get there early to sign up!

Wry and The Sweet Ones @ Elm Bar


We have it on good authority that Elm Bar is the place to be some top-notch rock n' roll entertainment tomorrow, from CT-based Wry and Brooklyn (as in NY, not CT)-based The Sweet Ones. According to what we've heard from these bands so far, this seems to be the case, and you can't beat the $3 pricetag and now, thanks to us, new lower prices on the Guinness!

Men, Inc.: We totally went there

The other Scenics have really gone out of their way to help celebrate my "Birthday Week," starting Friday night with a surprise night out at the all-male revue - CT-based Men, Inc., doing their monthly-or-so gig at our favorite downtown bar, Up or On the Rocks (really, it's totally our favorite). We've joked about checking one of these things out for ages. Now we've finally been there. The other Ladies Scenic had wanted to plan a party with my very own private stripper, but that was going to be overly expensive and complicated venue-wise. We're all glad it worked out this way though. I mean, we've all had personal attention from a naked dude before. The gaggle of other scantily clad drunk broads and the douchestrict setting were what really put the night over the top for us.


The Scenics are not exactly the target demographic for these kinds of shenanigans, since nothing is really taboo or off-limits in our minds, and our actual sex lives are so incredibly hot and kinky... But how about a little recognition and respect where it's due - it was fun and different to see a bevvy of dudes with rock hard, outrageously muscled, impeccably groomed bodies. This being America, it's hard enough finding a non-obese body to enjoy. We get the odd skinny guy now and then - you know, that guy who eats and eats and eats and never gains any weight? But he's no stunner with his shirt off, just scrawny, amiright? Nevertheless, we ultimately concluded that although we liked their bodies and appreciate all the work they obviously put into them, we didn't really care for what they were actually doing with them.


Their costumes were very "Not Another Porn Movie," starting with the Sexy Police Officer, and their moves included a lot of weirdly feminine lapdance-style gyrations. The other thing they kept doing was getting chicks on stage into awkward positions on stage and dry humping them, which just seemed kind of embarrassing for all involved. We were impressed with the athleticism of the dancer known as The Main Event, who did vaults and handsprings to end up with his crotch in various gals' faces and laps. Amazingly, no one was injured, though one girl looked a bit chagrined when his scrotum grazed her scalp. If any of us tried to to anything like that, there would have been ankles sprained and teeth everywhere. Yet much as we admired these maneuvers, it was just kind of weird and icky when he put that one big-ish girl down like the base of a cheerleading pyramid and lined some other slags up on top of her and gleefully switch-hit dry-humped them all.

Always sensitive to the feelings of others, I let the fellas know that we were "mostly into chicks" - a slight deviation from reality. This only made them work my lap (and Jackie's!) twice as hard, which was cute. I was particularly partial to this hunk of manflesh - he's the rock n roll one.


Without delving too deeply into stereotypes about sex and gender, let it suffice to say that there is a difference between the all-male revue and the "gentlemen's club," and a reason why the all-male revue must subsist on monthly club nights and private gigs, but the gentlemen's club is open daily. The goal for most of the attendees for Men, Inc. seemed to be to relish the embarrassment of their friends - no so much to actually get off on the proceedings. When the guys came around to lap dance and "let it all hang out" (I'll never wash that Ed Hardy shirt again!) all the ladies in the vicinity had out their camera phones to shamelessly capture their friends in the act, and this was totally all right with the guys! But hey, with a body like that, may as well get those pictures out there! That's been my governing theory lately anyway.

Check out Men, Inc. live around CT!

Oddities

Um, what?

The Totes Horny Roundup

CT Scenic has been consistent and efficient in providing you dear readers with solid recommendations on local music, food, arts culture, and nightlife (well, maybe not recently... this Scenic has personally been busy kicking off the summer with a good old fashioned bender, my bad!), but one area of content that has been glaringly absent is the seedy underbelly of Connecticut! So, here is the scenic guide to CT's perviest places, and stuff to do when you're totes horny.

Adult Films. People are often surprised to find out that old fashioned adult movie houses still exist, and even more surprised to hear that we have one right here in Hartford. 3/4 of Team Scenic have actually been to the Art Cinema; not with debaucherous intentions, but to watch a burlesque documentary as part of the Hartford Film Festival. We didn't care for the movie, but were quite taken by the scenery of the rundown movie house, the porn film canisters laying about, and the general air of sleaze. And the fun doesn't stop there, oh no! Connecticut is actually home to two adult theaters, the other being the Fairmount in East Haven.

Swingers. We are aware that Hartford has an onsite swinger's club, located in a nondescript building in a shady neighborhood, that you've probably driven by a bunch of times without even realizing the pervery that goes on in there. Team Scenic is not, at this time, able to give you any kind of investigative reporting on this joint, but according to their website, they have a kickass buffet.

Ok, tangent, just for a moment? I've always been slightly disturbed by the Kahoots tagline: Lunch with a View. The thought of enjoying a turkey club while staring at a naked woman humping the floor for dollars just seems so... ew. And now, I wonder about these swingers lining up to serve themselves some baked ziti and garlic bread in the middle of reenacting a scene from Caligula. Are they naked at the buffet? Did the owners install genital guards as well as sneeze guards?

And oh yeah, speaking of strip clubs! A little piece of trivia: you are not allowed to wear SuperScenic glasses in The Gold Club. Why? We don't know! Sometimes you just know to keep your mouth shut and take off your damn glasses when the man tells you to.

Motels. The Berlin Turnpike is pretty much the go-to for any kind of motel sleaze you're looking for; there are plenty of pay by the hour rooms with huge mirrors, themed rooms such as the exotic Jungle Room (grr!). Actually, The Berlin Turnpike is probably 80% sleazy motels.








Adult Stores. Well, they're all over the damn place. Perhaps you even have one of those superstores in your town, and the townsfolk got all enraged when they found out about it. A successful chain in CT is VIP, and when I was there the other day, you know- doing research, I was disappointed to see that they no longer carry my favorite ill-advised adult novelty, The Fist. Literally, its a big rubber arm and fist.

















We're sure there's much more where this came from, and don't be too shy to tell us about what goes on in your freaky little town. CT Scenic: dedicated to culturally well-rounded journalism!

Mrs. Murphy's: out-of-state indie donuts

Last month Katie Scenic had the best donuts ever at Dough in Brooklyn, NY; last week, Katie and Jackie followed up on a hot tip from a coworker and crossed another CT border to try Mrs. Murphy's donuts in Southwick, MA (which is only like 20 miles from headquarters, so no big deal... we've been this far for donuts before).

The Scenics were joined by Vet Tech Gene and professional ice cream model Dayna (you may remember her from our post about delicious Abby Dabby ice cream in West Hartford), who happened to hit it off over their shared exotic hobby, spinning poi. Everyone in the crew shared an interest in donuts. Alas, it was mid afternoon on a Sunday, so Mrs. Murphy's was sold out of jellies and creams, with only the plainer varieties - crullers, glazes, cinnamon - left. The donuts were huge, which is a good start.

Dayna thought she'd try her hand at donut modeling. 

This is very clever - see, she's spelling "cool" with the glasses and the donut... But that's so literal. Strictly commercial stuff. Not everyone has what it takes to do donut editorial. But her work with ice cream is seriously edgy shit. There's a lot of nuance to food modeling.

The chocolate donuts were a particular hit - having a very subtle, not-too-sweet flavor. The cinnamon was a little dry and cakey for Scenic tastes (we've spoken of donut purity - our preference for a a fried dough-like texture and flavor). The iced coffee was rather terrible, but is available by the bucketful, if size is your thing. Speaking of size, Vet Tech Gene is new to the gang, but somehow guessed at our love of lowbrow humor and dick jokes. He hasn't even seen the blog, but he was blown away by the crullers and wanted to make sure we would let our readers know they were the biggest and thickest he/we'd ever seen - far superior to ordinary crullers in length and girth. "It's so unsatisfying when you just put it your mouth and it's all over in two bites." What a donut perv! He can come and eat donuts with us any time. In fact, we'll be sure and head back to Mrs. Murphy's real soon for some followup, because we can't truly assess the joint without trying the jellies. Right?!

There's more to being Pretend Boyfriends than just increasingly embarrassing blog posts

We acknowledge the possibility that some of the bands we're totes horny for may find our affections a little embarrassing, or wish that we would talk more about their great music than their good looks - you know, the beautiful ones always want to be told they're smart, the smart ones want to be told they're beautiful. *YAWN* Anyway, we obviously think they're music is good if we're spending our time reviewing it and telling you to go to their shows. If you want to know what they sound like, click the god damn links. When we say total package, we mean total package.

As esteemed members of the imaginary press, we take advantage of our band boys, demanding their free music, attempting to monopolize their attention at shows, asking them to pose for foolish pictures. And they are always so obliging! We give them blog support sure, but do any of you lazy bums even show up 99% of the time? Well, today we gave something back. Two of our pretend boyfriends from Black Taxi found themselves stranded with a dead car in New Britain today en route from New Hampshire. Katie Scenic got the word from their publicist and immediately ditched her plans with her real-life friends to bail the guys out. (JK, she had no plans - seriously, Fitzscenic is out of town, DH had a gig, and Jackie was, like, scissoring or something.) She found the fellas lounging handsomely near the baseball field and delivered them to New Haven's Union Station. What an awesome fake girlfriend!

What better excuse to start blogging after a month of dead air than to talk about what swell people we can be when we really want to. And one more time, here's Black Taxi:

Somebody around here book these guys, eh?

One night stand with a sexy out-of-towner

The Bright Light Social Hour @ Up or on the Rocks, Hartford

Our facebook friends know we've been trying to get a buzz going for this Texas band that's swinging through town this Thursday. We caught wind of them because a.) they've been living out a van  on tour and they smell and b.) they're friends of our Brooklyn boyfriends, Black Taxi, who we were totally hot for at their Hartford debut. The Bright Light Social Hour fellas look and sound like damn good stuff, so we feel really lucky to catch them at a stage of their career when they don't just automatically skip Hartford (or only stop here for snacks), which is why we've been pestering you all so hard to actually turn out for this one. Check out their whole album  - it's great!

We're kind of out of touch with genre, but we're pretty sure they're hipsters (the pineapple is a dead giveaway). These days everything "cool" just sounds like the Rolling Stones in their disco phase to us. By which we mean classic but funky and danceable (these are good things). And oversexed - just look at that mustache! 

In deference to the short attention span and run-of-the-mill FB event invite fatigue we're sure you all experience, we've attempted to hook you by pairing this exciting band show with our first ever "Guerrilla Han Solo Bar," which will henceforth be Scenic code for something we extra especially think you should check out, even more than the other stuff we think is also worth your time. We assure you the Scenics and at least one other person that we know of will be there dressed as Han Solo (sometimes we just dress like this anyway). So of course we encourage you to get on that too. Because who doesn't enjoy shooting first, palling around with Wookies, and pairing a studly dark vest with an chest-baring pale shirt, amiright?

Hipstercana Wednesday: Sidewalk Dave & Elison Jackson

Wednesday, May 25

Elison Jackson, The Donkeys, Citay @ BAR, New Haven

Sidewalk Dave @ The Half Door, Hartford

Competing-for-our-affection on a Wednesday? Guys, really?

We've seen Elison Jackson twice, but both gigs were in private basements which we didn't feel comfortable telling you about (like anybody listens to us anyway...) and we liked them live even better than what we've heard of their recordings, which are nice and all, but don't quite convey Sam's delicate Thom Yorke/guy from a band you've never heard of-esque vocal delivery or the chemistry of the current band lineup. So we're looking forward to their upcoming release, which is now in the works with that guy from M.T. Bearington we met that one time. We'd see them again, in a basement or wherever they may roam! In a box, with a fox, etc.

Elison Jackson will be the local boys on a gig with Californians The Donkeys and Citay, who we are too lazy to check out in the context of a post about our CT hipstercana favs. This Wednesday night indie rock interlude is brought to you, as always, by Manic Productions.

Do you ever notice how we plug the same stuff over and over again? That's on purpose. You want to know every crap thing going on at every club with no regard to quality or style? That's somebody else's actual job. This is our passion, and there's only so much of it to go around. And there's only so many people of taste in the state. We can't be spreading them too thin either.

Speaking of passion, Sidewalk Dave returns this week for their monthly Half Door gig. They are celebrating their new EP release, Can't be Your Friend (which you can preview right there at the link). We're sufficiently turned on by Dave's explicit lyrical references to sexual acts and bloody dismemberment set to pleasant, jaunty indie/alt-country melodies, but have to admit to being less than enamored with this cover art. 

(appetite for self-destruction)

We hope you appreciate the depth of artistic integrity it takes for us to unfavorably critique our favorite things - even just the CD cover. In point of fact, the Scenics have a well-documented history in support of women disrobing (and most recently, a song about a Disrober - we're all about that shit!), but this particular composition of vacant-eyed chicks as visual props just leaves us flat. It's also weirdly familiar.

(I think we've seen this movie too)

CT Metal: Rekindling the Romance

(Ipsissimus)

As I've mentioned time and again, I was a pretty seriously committed metalhead in my youth and young adulthood, and in an effort to be down I was willing to try really hard to get into all kinds of crap if it seemed trend-evil enough. But now that I've branched out musically and I'm entering early Cougardom, it's a bit harder to get my meat up about new metal, the local scene in particular, being all too familiar with the pay-to-play tactics of some local clubs, which falsely elevates those bands with the nicest friends or most indulgent parents. I know peeps who will just get drunk and headbang to any old crap, but they probably have IQs less than 100 and I just can't get down like that. And sorry, death metal, you may be "technical," but you are are terrible at any volume. Show me the catchy riffs or go home.

(Nightbitch)

As you may have read here on CT Scenic, I've been pretty excited about CT stoner/metal band Treebeard ever since catching their first gig at then newly opened Elm Bar, and I thought they were just as great on a second viewing at the same venue. So when I saw that they were playing Cherry Street Station with scene vet and all-the-way-back-t0-high-school pal Ryan's two bands, Ipsissimus and enticingly named Nightbitch, I thought this show had promise.

And when I pulled up to the poorly marked club on a desolate industrial block by the train tracks in Wallingford, I knew I was in for a real treat. And when I observed the dirt cheap prices ($4 for Magic Hat!) and amazing back smoking yard, I mentally punished myself for never having been to this club before.

(Corrupting a garden gnome. Smoking is so cool.)

Bygones. I was probably right. Most of those shows I opted not to drive 45 minutes to probably were indeed awful. But not this one! Nightbitch got this party started right. The three piece has "the guy from Treebeard" (and like 10 other bands - Chris) on drums and vocals, which is wicked impressive just by itself, and Ryan delivered all those catchy guitar riffs I was just craving. Their music is seriously good and reminded me of Danzig, but their not-so-serious, over-the-top evil song titles and perverted between-song banter, explaining that this song is about masturbation and that song is about werewolves fucking and whatnot really hit the spot (my g-spot, duh).



Next up was De Omega, featuring the bass player from Nightbitch (the theme of this show was Nightbitch and all the guys' from Nightbitch's other bands). They were described as "tech metal." They're all instrumental, which is inherently a bit less entertaining than sex/party metal, but they had some really lovely, dark atmospheric bits (as I might have said if I were writing metal journalism) and the bassist and guitarist were like nonstop tapping, which was giving all the young dudes in the crowd hella wood.

I am automatically skeptical of new American black metal, because it sort of seems like a style that is maybe better left to a certain time and place (Norway, 80s/90s), but I'm gonna have to hand it to Ipsissimus as well. It pains me to dole out such unadulterated praise about one night, but here again we had Ryan's being awesome on guitar at the heart of things, and the vocalist had a pretty killer rasp, and he made the most complicated banter comment about Nightbitch's set: "That band just did what your genitals were..." And I was like "huh?" and then totally got that he meant "ROCK HARD!" and it was the best thing ever, and I will never make fun of American guys for having black metal alteregos again.**



I have to admit to being overcome by pumpkin syndrome and leaving around midnight, before Treebeard got around to playing. Sorry Treebeard! But I already knew I liked them, so 4/4 stars for this gig! Look out for Ipsissimus' brand new release, The Way of Descent, on Metal Blade Records. Treebeard will be playing a gig at Cafe Nine June 11, and Chris from Treebeard, who has perfected human cloning, will also be playing that same night with Garbage Barge, who list GWAR as a primary influence and thus win my immediate good will - also at Cherry Street Station with for "Garbage Barge's Birthday Masquerade." We'll keep you posted about upcoming gigs from any of these fine bands as we hear about them. Check the FB for more sexy pics.

**LYING!