Saturday: Metal Up Your Ass

Well, at the Webster, actually, if you want to be exact, but hygienically speaking, same diff-o, amiright?

Satuday, June 5: Prong, Fear Factory @ The Webster, Hartford

(Prong's Tommy Victor is dressed
and ready for the Zen Bar)

This gig will bring together generations of industrial flavored metal fans. Proving that I'm getting old(er), I remember Fear Factory as a hot new band doing some hot "new" thing of mixing electronic and industrial elements with moderately brutal metal, and now they're like old school, which makes Prong like really really old school.

Prong you'll of course remember from their big hit, "Snap your fingers, snap your neck" which got plenty of play on the original Headbangers Ball and was even featured on Beavis and Butthead (love those video segments!). It's really a classic. Here, enjoy:

First Week Fun

Thursday, June 3: Art After Hours @ Wadsworth Atheneum, Hartford
Friday
Friday, June 4: First Friday @ New Britain Museum of American Art, New Britain
Friday, June 4: Open House @ Thomas Hooker Brewery, Bloomfield
Sunday, June 6: Women's Party @ Tisane, Hartford


Hey, shit, look, another month is gone. You're older now, you can't get that time back, but at least that means it's time again for "First Week" events (and then Seconds, and - our favorite - Thirds).

(DJ Breakadawn - can we say schwing!)

Thursday night it's the monthly Art After Hours at the Wadsworth. This month will feature new art by Justin Lowe (an exhibit intriguingly titled Werewolf Karaoke, which we think is something we've seen IRL), a band called Psychic Ills, our sexy DJ friend Breakadawn (totally know her), participatory graffiti, and "Badass Movie" Herb and Dorothy. Um, try again, Wadsworth. That movie is about some old-ass Jews with an art collection, and we suffered through the trailer like a gillion times at Real Art Ways a few months back. Hardly badass. But the rest of that stuff sounds dope.

If that wasn't enough arty party for you, the next night New Britain Museum of Art has their First Friday thingie, which will feature live music by the Laid Back Jazz Quartet. We assume they play Laid Back Jazz, which is not our favorite thing ever, but certainly beats popular CT genres Lackluster Nu-Rock or Aging Hot Chick-fronted Covers any day.
First Friday is also the usual beer party - or "Open House" - at our favorite local brewery, Hooker, where you can sample their various brews, get an informative tour, and experience for yourself the expression "smells like a brewery."

In what is proving to be a grand tradition for local "not gay" establishments, there is no mention of "First Sunday" on Tisane's website, but we know it's a "women's party" and we'll be there enjoying those funny colored cocktails for sure. Their drinks are so sweet n' tasty, you could feed 'em to your kids! That is, if you have them, you stupid breeders.

What Not To Hear: Carbon 9 cover Danzig's Mother

Yeah, I just covered Danzig's mother too. Get it? Cuz she's easy?

(JK, Danzig - love you - xoxo)

But seriously, earlier today I heard a godawful cover version of Danzig's classic "Mother" and, well, I just threw up in my ears a little bit. Now, not everyone needs to love Danzig, or even like metal, but sometimes a great song is a great song. And "Mother" is a great song, thanks to three great power chords that go great together, Glenn Danzig's sexy baritone an charmingly predatory antisocial message. Internet research suggests that what I heard was this:

Though it's certainly possible that many, many crappy covers of this song are floating around out there.

Personally I have a deep affection for Danzig, regardless of their extremely hit or miss track record (of tracks - ha!), so I take this half-assed remake as a personal insult. Danzig the first band I got to see live in a club (The Sting in New Britain, with then-unknowns Korn and Marilyn Manson) and "Mother" (the live '93 version to be exact) was a ubiquitous radio staple in my formative years as a music-head. And like I said it's just great. Here, relive it:

Carbon 9's (whoever they are) abomination is overproduced nu-metal nightmare which mistakes style for substance and makes the hideous errors of reducing the song's tempo, forgoing the powerful opening riff, and diminishing the song's melodic qualities due to vocal limitations which no doubt define the rest of their repertoire.

Now taking the tempo down on a great song isn't always a bad thing. It can bring out emotional dimensions or make room for instrumental and melodic exploration, as when Lady Gaga covers herself, or some random fans cover her. But Carbon 9 have nothing to contribute except for random electronic whooshing and weak, tortured post-grunge vocals. They come across as a pathos-deficient watered down Marilyn Manson - too little, a decade and a half too late.

In point of fact, when doing a cover, a band ought to try and make it their own - otherwise it's just karaoke. Unfortunately, Carbon 9's own just happens to suck.

I haven't seen Danzig live in probably 10 years, so I can't vouch for his current line-up, body or vocal condition, but you can catch him live in NYC June 18 at the Nokia Theatre.

Dave Matthews: Back in the Hartbeat

Friday night, Dave Matthews Band returned once again to kick off their summer tour at Hartford's Comcast Theater. We wouldn't miss this for the world! They started off with one of our favorites...



kidding!

Everyone Loves A Dong

A Dong Asian market in Elmwood, that is! Where was your mind going?


While I was waiting for some work on my car, I took a stroll across the street to the Asian grocery superstore. In the past I've shopped here for chopsticks and soup spoons like the ones in the restaurants (really, no one should eat hot soup with a metal spoon again). This day I was just looking for some exotic snacking.

I bought a pack of "Roasted Mix Nuts" from Japan, which I had had before, so I knew they were good. These mixed "nuts" include some unidentifiable delicious objects which I believe are other nuts and seeds smooshed up and reconstituted into more aesthetically amusing supernuts. The ingredients include some freaky stuff like "squid flavor" and shrimp, so it's not veg friendly.


Also from Japan, these soft bean cakes look so adorably cartoonish I had to try them. I used to buy a bean cake like product at a grocery in Brooklyn. They weren't that great, but they resembled breast implants in texture and shape, so it was mostly for ha-ha's. These little cakes, which look like big 8-bit graphic fig newtons, taste kind of blandly sweet. I probably wouldn't buy them again. But they sure look cool.


The prize of the day would have to be these weird little "Dafune Rabbit" um... pellets? The "Engrish" text reads amusingly: "How Rabbit Feels?" As a student of animal science, I've learned a thing or two about rabbits, and thing one that rabbit owners should probably know, is that rabbits are coprophagic - they eat their own shit. And this is nutritionally sound business for them. And knowing that the Japanese can be real sickos, my immediate conclusion is that Dafune Rabbit is inviting you to know how rabbit feels when he eats his little round turds at night. Adorbs!

Break it Down: Youth Break Dance

Saturday, May 29: Break Dance Open Jam @ Hartford City Ballet Studio, Hartford

Hey, what do you know? We do know another dancer (besides the CONNetic gang). We're really going to give this tag a workout! Our old friend John Bendezu, who we knew as a metal guy in high school, is a awesome break dancer and dance instructor with fashionable hair and killer tattoos now. He will be hosting "open jam" competition for kids ages 8-13 on Saturday evening, which should be quite a sight, right?

Check out John spinning improbably on his crazy head:


Here he is getting down with the kiddies:

Good Times, Scenic Envy in Middletown

After our donut date in Manchester, we made our way to Middletown, a mythical village where the firetrucks are yellow - how droll.

We were greeted immediately by an public display of kitsch.

How twee. Actually, Mommy Scenic has always maintained that The Giving Tree is a fucked up story - about a maternal figure who gives and gives and gives... to death. Good point, mom!

Our intended destination was It's Only Natural famous vegetarian restaurant but it was a lovely day for touring so we decided to take a stroll down Main Street and see what there was to see. We saw about a zillion "ethnic" cuisine spots we'd love to try... if only we could have afforded it (and if Katie Scenic still had the physiological ability to throw up), we would have taken a bulemic tour of Middletown and tried one of everything! (Just kidding.) We were impressed by the wealth of outdoor dining (and the width of the sidewalk!), and admired various antiques and other unfortunately closed storefronts that call for further investigation. We thought, this town is what you'd get if Northampton and New Haven got gay married and had a baby (with a little help from an unnamed donor). We decided that we could afford to whet our appetites with a taste of Tschudin chocolate, which was pricey (like $2.25 per piece), but tasty. Jackie had something called a Johnny Depp, and Katie tried an Irish Ginger. That sounds a little naughty, doesn't it? Tschudin was good, but not as good as West Hartford's similarly pricey Bridgewater Chocolates, which are just ridiculous (buy us some, please).

Dinner at It's Only Natural was pretty much brilliant. We shared a sweet potato enchilada (a standard menu item) and a tofu and vegetable curry from the specials menu. The food tasted exquisite, and proved totally photogenic, so we'll let the pictures do the talking so we can get back to making dumb jokes:

Right, so...we're pretty much "always blogging," like even when we're doing other stuff, we're thinking and talking about blogging it up. So as the sun set and darkness fell we were composing this post, waxing poetic about "basking in the warm satanic glow of the neon carrot."

LOL. We were also very impressed with the art on display by people we totally know from the Libertine Collective:

(Joe Dinunzio)

(H.L. Groen)

After dinner we hit up some local drinking spots with some lady friends from the area. We started out at Hair of the Dog Saloon, which we regret to announce had little redeeming value. Pretty divey, obnoxious jukebox, nary a hipster to be seen. It did have these amusing deer heads mounted over the bar though:

We moved along as soon as we met the credit card minimum (lame-o). We went just down the block and across the street (Main Street, duh) to Eli Cannon's, a joint we have visited before, but quite neglectfully so, as on our previous outing we did not explore their epic beer garden (or ho-garden, as we hilariously dubbed it once we had enough bitches there drinking Belgian brews...). Epic:

At this point we were basically full and broke, so we mostly just watched other people eat and drink, and flirted with the waiter, who made sure to show us pics of his kid so we would know it was just waiterly charm he was putting on. We observed that Eli's has some fine looking salads and serves up monstrous portions of dishes like their fish and chips.

We drove home with belly's full of wholesome chyme and heads of scenic envy. Middletown: we're not finished with you.

Indie Donuts: The Sugar Shack

Team Scenic spent most of Tuesday having a mini-staycation in Central CT. In the afternoon, ostensibly en route to video camera shopping (never happened) we stopped by the fabled Sugar Shack for some non-Dunkin donuts (or dognuts as we sometimes hilariously call them). Jackie Scenic had sampled these delights before, whilst volunteering for the Silk City Film Fest and was impressed. We have both oft lamented the lack of "indie" coffee and donuts in some towns, and it is only with a sense of utter self-loathing that we find ourselves soliciting Dunkin Donuts in the absence of any alternative.

So it is that we have a little twinge of mini-scenic envy for Manchester - not that we really want to live there or anything, but the Sugar Shack is pretty special. The donuts there are fresh and oversized, and come in such delightful flavors as apple & spice, coconut, maple frosted, chocolate chip and basics like glazed and chocolate glazed. We opted for iced coffees and an apple & spice and a coconut, which totaled $6 and change, if you're comparison shopping.


The coconut was fine - cakey and generously covered in "long grain" coconut (versus the DD stuff). It was a little dry though, not our new favorite thing. The apple & spice donut was obscenely good, with a very moist dough texture and filled (also generously) with an apple-pie like mess.


It was so good we had to take a few to go, which were a dollar a piece, which is the later in the day price apparently. The girl working the counter explained that the donuts go for a dollar apiece and $2 a bag at the end of the day, which seems more than fair! Leftovers go to charity, which is very thoughtful. We reflected on the concept of actually converting our "dollars to donuts," laughed exhaustively at our own joke, and concluded that while we may not be rich (or even not-very-rich, or even financially sound, tbh), we can be rich in donuts.
Sugar Shack is located at 150 Center Street, Manchester.

Zen and the art of making lemonade

You know, when life gives you lemons? And by lemons, we guess we mean douchebars. And by lemonade, we basically mean vodka drinks.

When we go out to events, the best we can hope for is that they will be good events, but sometimes you just can't tell. An event can have buzz, a hott flier graphic, a stunning entertainment line-up, the recommendations of your totally tasteful friends... and still be totally bust. Luckily, this weekend we had each other, the Scenic chemistry was in effect, and everything was fun and funny anyway.


We headed out to the Zen Bar a little after 9 p.m., which, barely beknownst to us had up and moved to Plainville. (No we didn't drive to the old location - but nearly!) The event was being billed as kind of a mini SWAN Day, which was a pretty hot recent event featuring lots of CT lady performers and crafters as part of a broader movement to "Support Women Artists Now." Our local SWAN mobilizer, musician Jennifer Hill was performing along with some other bands and one of our favorite burlesque chickies, Lily la Vamp. We expected the place to be full-up with artists and lesbians.

It was not:


Look, we don't know from guido here at CT Scenic. We go to gay nights, RAW events and punk shows. We've watched Jersey Shore on the teevee but we thought that was all an act by budding famewhores (we totally sympathize) and nobody really dresses or acts that douchey in nature.

We were wrong.

These guys totally work there. The fellow on the left kept resting his hands in his "pants holes." Kind of a modified Al Bundy or something.

Do you all remember that great song from the 80s, "I wear my sun visors at night"? So I can... what? How does that help?

This guy's shirt is busy busy busy. Lot of that going around. Also: hair gel.

Ugh. Pull up your pants, straighten your hat and tuck in your shirt, son. LOL isn't that a Facebook group? God, Facebook group membership: the lazy alternative to having an opinion.

Well, having come all that way and encouraged some of our friends to come out and meet us, we made the best of the situation (GET IT?!) by taking these fine pictures, and at the very least enjoying the music by Jennifer Hill & Co. She plays keyboards and has a nice voice and really catchy songs. We'd like to see her again. We chatted up the one fellow in the place who had fashionable glasses, told him we were trying to take pictures of the Jersey Shore extras in the joint. He was all "what do you expect, it's the Zen Bar. You're not going to find anyone hip." Well, we had no idea! Our experiences at Zen are mostly limited to seeing our pals Bipolar Jukebox play at the old location, and they always brought the fashionistas (you know who you are)! Now we know.

We decided to move along. We made a quick stop to pose with the sign for Hooker St. because we're just that mature. Wonder if that sign is as theft prone as the one for "Satan's Kingdom Road" in New Hartford.


Then it was on to Sully's, where the Soul Merchants were playing. We've mentioned them fondly before and feel some hometown affection, but must admit to consistently missing actually seeing them play. Well, we've been remiss! They are just fantastic. And we generally don't enjoy reggae influenced or horn including musics, in spite of having attended countless ska shows in our younger years (and been raised in a community that values Jazz Band membership above anything else, accomplishment-wise). That Jake Williams (we totally know him) has a brilliant voice! How did that whitey from WeHa get so damn soulful?


The joint was pretty packed, we ran into peep we haven't seen in years and years, we got digits, and drank delicious vodka drinks made from those hot, new ultra-flavored vodkas for girls - Burnett's - seen em around?

Look out for the Soul Merchants - they return to Sully's July 19, and have dates at Cafe Nine in New Haven (July 18) and Jimmy's Seaside in Stamford (July 26). Also look out for Burnett's ridiculous vodka, especially the pink lemonade and fruit punch varieties. We know vodka isn't really supposed to be pink or red, but we just don't care. It's a mad, mad, mad, mad world out there, OK?

Scene at RAW: Eats by Alchemy

You can see all the happy drinkers on the FB gallery, but this month's Creative Cocktail Hour deserves a little writing up for bringing it with the food, art and musical guests. I'll start with the food.

The fine folks from Alchemy Juice Bar had some interesting snacks to sample, which they claimed were alive, or "live." OMG ZOMBIE FOOD. They had this interesting torture device/juicer churning out wheatgrass shots, which tasted very much like you would expect something called wheatgrass to taste like. It's supposed to have all kinds of magical properties.


There were plates of veggies to dip in walnut pate, which was indescribably tasty in a fresh and mild way, and bore a physical resemblance to tuna salad (a gauche food they wouldn't be caught dead serving). The kale chips looked more like garnish than anything you'd want to eat - like crinkled up leaves - but tasted great too and had a light crispy texture, as a chip should.


Best off all was the fudge (also "live"), which was a controlled substance ("take one"). It was so decadently rich... I took two. One for me and one for the blog... I'm going to need some more. There was also some delicious nondairy ice cream substitute made from cashews, in a variety of flavors, which was also ridiculously rich and amazing. Presumably you can buy such things at Alchemy (they also have a box o' produce bulk buying program they were telling me about which avid juicers should look into). A field trip is definitely in order.


As of this writing, Alchemy's website is not behaving. They're on New Britain Ave. in Hartford You've driven by there on the way to the Webster and wondered how such a business can possibly have survived in that neighborhood.

Scene on Stage: Midnight Creeps

Check out my new favorite band the Midnight Creeps. They played on Tuesday at Cafe Nine in New Haven with horror punk legends (i.e. old people) 45 Grave. 45 Grave were pretty cool and came highly recommended, but these Creeps from Rhode Island kind of stole the show, thanks mostly to the antics of frontwoman Jenny Hurricane.


It's so nice to see a band looking like rockstars, and that was Midnight Creeps, with their guyliner and stripes and hipster hair for the boys, and fishnets and hot pants for Ms. Hurricane. Jenny's got ballsy, snarling delivery, and her between-song banter (my favorite part of any show when it's good) was great - whether it was crass introductions to songs about breaking some guy out of jail only to find him boning his cellmate and whatnot, or blowing juicy snot rockets and hawking phlegm and apologizing for having a cold. What a trooper! Speaking of troopers - playing Iron Maiden's "Run to the Hills" for a finale sealed the deal for me. Love them.

Looks like Midnight Creeps have a busy summer schedule with dates all over the country. Next opportunities to see them in our area... um... never... couple of shows in Providence and Massachusetts in August. Hope something else comes up before then!

Scene on "Stage": Burlesque @ Jokers Wild

Last Sunday, regrettably flying solo (Jackie Scenic has other friends or something), I checked out the monthly "Burlesque & Variety" night at Jokers Wild in New Haven. As my counterpart was not there to make hilarity ensue, this write-up will be proportionately less funny than usual.

Jokers Wild is ostensibly a comedy club, and it's totally cool that a such a club exists, and exists to cater such sexy fun as burlesque nights. But it must be said that the physical setup could not be less appropriate to the medium of sexy dance, as there is no actual stage and some awkwardly placed bars where the stage would be that must be there to keep the comedians "caged in," which left the ladies with nowhere to dance but a narrow strip of floor between the comedy cage and some tables. The Real Art Ways theatre, where I saw the same performers back in February, was far better suited and lent some pomp and circumstance to the affair that was severely lacking here.

But it was still fun to watch the dancers, who made the best of a crappy space and a friendly crowd. Nicki Le Villain was particularly impressive. This night she was showing off her belly dance skills (and costumes), which were quite formidable. She can work her hips in ways I... can't. Kind of like when Shakira's ass looks like it has a mind of it's own. Actually, your ass kind of does have a mind of it's own, but that's an Anatomy & Physiology digression I'm not going to get into right this minute. In addition to her mad dance skillz, Nicki also showed off her albino python. Yes, she danced with a big goddamn live snake. She wins. All hail Nicki Le Villain, hats off, we're not worthy, etc.

If you'd like to see some more burlesque (and why wouldn't you), the Burlesque & Variety show at JW will be taking June off, as the third Sunday will Fathers Day, and something about burlesque and daddy issues, but will return July 18. See you there?

CONNetic in Wonderland

Saturday, May 22: CONNetic Dance presents Alice in Wonderland @ The Carol Autorino Center, St. Joseph College, West Hartford

We've talked about CONNetic Dance a bunch around here, because we think that mentioning a dance company over and over again is gonna make us seem more cultured. We've called them "ballet hipsters" (which they love), and called them sexy and fashionable and fun (based on observations in the bar environment). This weekend we have a chance to see them really do their thing. Alice in Wonderland is an original contemporary production conceived (LOL - conceived) and directed by one C-Paine. We're big fans of Alice in Wonderland the book, which is hilarious, you should totes read it, and we also loved that 1980s TV miniseries version. We're sure CONNetic's dance production will manage to be more entertaining that Tim Burton abomination - seriously, yeah, Johnny Depp, hotness, but sometimes that ain't enough.

But seriously, this is a great local group to check out and this production sounds like family friendly fun, for those of you family types. See, we have something for everyone here. In addition to the core company, the production also includes a bunch of kiddos and other dancers from the Ballet Theatre Academy. Performances are at 2 p.m. and 7 p.m.

And now for something completely different: Stratospheerius, et. al.

Thursday, May 20: Stratospheerius, Superfrog @ Sully's Pub

You may be in the habit of avoiding Sully's on Thursday nights, due to the reign of douchey white guys with revolting dreadlocks playing "reggae" music (possibly our least favorite genre, sorry), but this week's bands are something else.

Stratospheerius may have a terrible name, which is also a total tease, because it makes us think we're going to see terrific Finnish power metallers Stratovarius, and of course we're not - we're gonna see some hyperactive music nerds play some violin-fueled spastic jazzy jam. Full disclosure: We like their publicist and hope she'll set us up with some great free shit one day. Also, we're just so happy to see an interesting, original, nationally - even internationally - touring band booked at our local joint (more of this please).



Superfrog appeal to us less, as they appear to be a bit more straight forward of a "jam" band without the interesting twist of prominent violin and whatnot. But hey, we understand some people are into that and maybe they'll thanks us, we'd just rather not have to watch them dance.

RAW CCH: Ultra Gay Edition

Thursday, May 20: Creative Cocktail Hour feat. Gene Dante & the Future Starlets @ Real Art Ways, Hartford


We are infinitely enthusiastic about the Creative Cocktail Hour every month, but this month we love them infinity plus two. We are very excited to see flamboyant, glammy "out" band Gene Dante & the Future Starlets perform.

Check out this gay pride power ballad, "A Madness to His Method." We're liking the poignant Hedwig-esque imagery in the video of an adolescent embracing his queer leanings in front of the mirror. Maybe one day we'll experiment with this makeup thing!

If that was a little too tame for you, try NSFW "C Star" on for size. Dig the pasties and strap-on combo on that video girl - we'll have to try that sometime too!

Over the past month we have made a lot of new connections, including some new friends from RAW's Odd Ball who expressed concern about going back to RAW again so soon. We say pish posh to that - a month is soon?! - and hope to see them/you all dolled up and drinking this Thursday and rocking out to our future favorite band and latest pretend boyfriend Gene Dante.

Super Sexy Sunday with all our Favorite Peeps

Sunday, May 16

4 p.m.: CONNetic Dance Company @ Elizabeth Park, Hartford
5 p.m.: Punkrock & Pinups @ 33 Main St., Torrington
8 p.m.: The Redlight Burlesque & Variety Show @ Joker's Wild, New Haven

Our favorite/only dancers we know, CONNetic Dance are offering a free sneak peak at their upcoming contemporary ballet, Alice in Wonderland, Sunday afternoon at Elizabeth Park. If the weather behaves, this should be scenic as all getout. The real deal performance takes place next Saturday at St. Joseph's College in West Hartford.

Our newest favorite proprietor of our newest favorite shop, Julia Sloan of Brazen Betties is putting on a closing bash for her pinup art show that has been on display in downtown Torrington. The event will feature live music by Gregory Cider and Six Gun Roulette. The pinups will be on the wall, be we suspect many of the guests are gonna bring the hottness as well, especially since you are encouraged to dress pinup or punkrock for prizes.

But if you prefer your pinups live and your music canned, you could head on down to New Haven to Joker's Wild for their monthly burlesque night (it's a third Sunday thing, btw). We are excited to see that the featured performers include some of the lady's we saw perform at RAW's sexiest CCH ever a few months back. Burlesque, for the uninitiated, is stripping that women totally love, so fellas, bring your ladies, and ladies, bring your ladies.

If you're fealing extra ambitious, you could probably hit up more than one of these great events. And don't forget Soupstock!

Connecticut's Got Talent & Soupstock sounds Mmm Mmm Good

Sunday, May 16: Soupstock @ Canal St., Shelton, CT

We haven't been to Shelton yet, but we're so glad our newest BBFF (Best Bloggie Friend... etc.) Julia from Bridgeport clued us in to Soupstock, a music and arts festival going down there this Sunday afternoon. Events will include a cook-off, artist/artisan vendors and a classic/custom cars show and live music from 10 a.m.-6 p.m.


We are most excited about a couple of the bands listed. The Queen Killing Kings are (is?) from New Haven. We'd like to assume that's a gay reference in the name, but we haven't investigated the situation, so don't jump to any conclusions. Check this out - this looks like a real music video and sounds like a real song! (You know, not a "local band.")



The Queen Killing Kings is scheduled for 4:50-6 p.m.

We also like the sound of Bridgeport's Alternate Routes. We heard a song of theirs during an intermission once, and it was so catchy we had to look it up. Turns out it also has a "real" looking (and sounding) video. Ugh, embedding disabled. Why? We hope they haven't disabled bedding too, cuz we are hot for them!

The Alternate Routes are scheduled for 3:30-4:30 p.m.