Sunday, July 3, 2011

Men, Inc.: We totally went there

The other Scenics have really gone out of their way to help celebrate my "Birthday Week," starting Friday night with a surprise night out at the all-male revue - CT-based Men, Inc., doing their monthly-or-so gig at our favorite downtown bar, Up or On the Rocks (really, it's totally our favorite). We've joked about checking one of these things out for ages. Now we've finally been there. The other Ladies Scenic had wanted to plan a party with my very own private stripper, but that was going to be overly expensive and complicated venue-wise. We're all glad it worked out this way though. I mean, we've all had personal attention from a naked dude before. The gaggle of other scantily clad drunk broads and the douchestrict setting were what really put the night over the top for us.

The Scenics are not exactly the target demographic for these kinds of shenanigans, since nothing is really taboo or off-limits in our minds, and our actual sex lives are so incredibly hot and kinky... But how about a little recognition and respect where it's due - it was fun and different to see a bevvy of dudes with rock hard, outrageously muscled, impeccably groomed bodies. This being America, it's hard enough finding a non-obese body to enjoy. We get the odd skinny guy now and then - you know, that guy who eats and eats and eats and never gains any weight? But he's no stunner with his shirt off, just scrawny, amiright? Nevertheless, we ultimately concluded that although we liked their bodies and appreciate all the work they obviously put into them, we didn't really care for what they were actually doing with them.

Their costumes were very "Not Another Porn Movie," starting with the Sexy Police Officer, and their moves included a lot of weirdly feminine lapdance-style gyrations. The other thing they kept doing was getting chicks on stage into awkward positions on stage and dry humping them, which just seemed kind of embarrassing for all involved. We were impressed with the athleticism of the dancer known as The Main Event, who did vaults and handsprings to end up with his crotch in various gals' faces and laps. Amazingly, no one was injured, though one girl looked a bit chagrined when his scrotum grazed her scalp. If any of us tried to to anything like that, there would have been ankles sprained and teeth everywhere. Yet much as we admired these maneuvers, it was just kind of weird and icky when he put that one big-ish girl down like the base of a cheerleading pyramid and lined some other slags up on top of her and gleefully switch-hit dry-humped them all.

Always sensitive to the feelings of others, I let the fellas know that we were "mostly into chicks" - a slight deviation from reality. This only made them work my lap (and Jackie's!) twice as hard, which was cute. I was particularly partial to this hunk of manflesh - he's the rock n roll one.

Without delving too deeply into stereotypes about sex and gender, let it suffice to say that there is a difference between the all-male revue and the "gentlemen's club," and a reason why the all-male revue must subsist on monthly club nights and private gigs, but the gentlemen's club is open daily. The goal for most of the attendees for Men, Inc. seemed to be to relish the embarrassment of their friends - no so much to actually get off on the proceedings. When the guys came around to lap dance and "let it all hang out" (I'll never wash that Ed Hardy shirt again!) all the ladies in the vicinity had out their camera phones to shamelessly capture their friends in the act, and this was totally all right with the guys! But hey, with a body like that, may as well get those pictures out there! That's been my governing theory lately anyway.

Check out Men, Inc. live around CT!

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