Fun with Fertillity: The Woodstock Fair

I will forever regret not attending the Woodstock Fair several years ago when Weird Al performed there (some sexy Swedish metal band was competing for my affection that night, if I recall correctly). Anyway, I hoped there would be some equally wonderful novelty on the fair's roster this year, but alas, there is not.

Nevertheless, my interest is piqued by the prospect of the fair's Barnyard Babies Birthing Center, where "fertility management techniques" promise live calve births throughout the weekend-long event. "Mucous is removed from the mouth and nasal passages, the calves are vaccinated as needed, their navel is sterilized, and they are fed colostrum from a bottle." Hot stuff! (Ew, I bet)

Other attractions include a demonstration by the Youth Spam Chef of the Year and assorted eating contests. The fair runs Sept. 4-7.

This is as family friendly as it's going to get around here. I have a sentimental attachment. Don't get used to it.

Saturday Night Penis Envy

GIRTH plays this Saturday at Sully's in scenic Hartford. Apparently it's their "first show in awhile". We don't really know what caused the hiatus, but we guess we should all jump on this rare opportunity to watch these guys do whatever it is that they do. Despite the douchey band name, this should probably be a good time. These guys are pretty hilarious and we're hoping their witty stage banter alone will be worth the trip. From what we can decipher from their myspace page, GIRTH plays some kind of jamrock. We're pretty neutral on the genre, but from what we've sampled they aren't as directionless as they could be. They should find themselves at home at Sully's which often indulges in the narcissistic freestyling of local jam bands. Most of the band grew up in the HC (Hartford County), so this might be more of a reunion than a concert, but either way, we're willing to brave the tikibar to see how GIRTH measures up. (ha)

The show is Saturday, August 29th at 10pm. Broken Glow opens. Cover is an unfortunate $7.

Vegamite and Unicorns

The night began like this:

7:15 P.M. In walks my cousin.

Cousin: You ready to go? I'll drive, you're probably tired of being the DD.

Me: Oh... I guess. Okay.

We get in the car.

Cousin: What I really meant was, I've been drinking since 2 this afternoon and I'll get us there faster.

It turned out she was right. We went about 90mph the entire way to Mohegan Sun, small country roads included. When we arrived we packed like sardines into an elevator full of feisty, and self-proclaimed 'sweaty' tourists then proceeded to power-walk through the maze of casinos until we could hear some faint guitar music. During the ride, my cousin had debated whether or not to drink the warm can of Natty Ice that was rolling around the floor of car, only to decide against it. Thus, our first order of business was not to check out Colin Hay, but to find the nearest bar.

Tiny gin and tonics in hand, we headed over to the outskirts of the Wolf Den, where we had a pretty good view of the band. I had previously only heard acoustic versions of Hay's solo music, so the added electronica and amplification took some getting used to. In some cases I think it was to the benefit of his sometimes dull folksongs, such as Overkill, but others were better left alone, like Waiting for My Real Life to Begin. His final song was the crowd-pleaser Down Under. This was all enhanced by the stylings of Cecilia Noel, who performed next to Hay. She played the tamborine and made some flailing movements which appeared to be a combination of American Sign Language and dancing. During Down Under she played some sort of air flute, or maybe it was an imaginary didgeridoo, it was hard to tell. By that point I was buzzed and mostly just staring at a Russian woman's cleavage.

The rest of the night was spent playing various slot machines. My cousin refused to play anything but "Enchanted Unicorn". I went for "Cops and Donuts" and then "Hawaiian Goddess". We both broke even, ate some overpriced Chinese food and drove home at a leisurely pace.

What Not to Hear: Cobra Starship

Luckily, you don't even have the option of going to see Cobra Starship at the Webster this Friday in Hartford, because this show has sold the fuck out! Congrats Cobra Starship! And congratulations too, on achieving such utter vacuousness and absolute musical irrelevance that not even a couple of avowed Lady Gaga fans can detect any redeeming qualities among the sweaty American Apparel threads.

This Sunday: Old Punks Go Solo

We (again, both of us) very much regretted getting into the live music scene just on time to never have seen Connecticut punks The Pist, though we listened religiously to Ideas Are Bulletproof, and consoled ourselves at many live performances by Al "Pist" Ouimet's followup band, The Baltimore Footstompers, at such venues as The Muni and God Knows Where Else. Where is Al now?

This Sunday, August 30, Al will perform solo acoustic at polite listening venue The Space in Hamden, along with headliner Kevin Seconds of the band 7 Seconds and CT acts Angleworm and Mutiny Amongst Friends.

On the Screen: In the Loop

I've been looking forward to finding In the Loop at a theater since the title came up in an AV Club interview with British actor Peter Capaldi who stars along with American household names like James Gandolfini and former child star Anna "My Girl" Chlumsky. The interview happened to run the same week I was watching Capaldi nightly on this summer's rather hotly-anticipated (by myself and other sci-fi Anglophiles) Torchwood miniseries, Children of Earth, which was not necessarily everything I had hoped it would be... Frankly, I could have done without that tired "death of a beloved cast member as emotional currency" shit - but Capaldi was excellent as a (morally) slimy, cowardly politician negotiating with (literally) slimy alien aggressors.

A political satire with roots in a British TV series I haven't actually seen (The Thick of It), In the Loop surely delivers plenty of slime of its own. In the Loop is currently playing at New Haven's Criterion Cinema and will debut at Real Art Ways in Hartford this Friday, August 28, and run through September 10.

Check out In the Loop in theaters, and check out this poor quality youtube copy of Capaldi's absurd Oscar-winning short film, Franz Kafka's It's a Wonderful Life, which stars none other than Richard "Withnail" E. Grant as Kafka.

Mission Aborted: Scenic Hartford Hospital

Well, so much for Electric Six. We were derailed from our mission by a medical emergency, which ultimately proved to be much ado about nothing, but nevertheless entailed an all-nighter at Hartford's dullest after-hours venue.

This Week: Colin Hay

We wish we could say that Zach Braff had nothing to do with our fondness for Colin Hay, but alas, it was Scrubs which first introduced us to his solo work. Hay has made appearances in several episodes, and his songs have been featured in several more. Originally Scottish, Hay moved to Australia in the late 60s and formed Men at Work, which we all remember for such classics as Who Can it be Now? and Down Under. When the band broke up in the 90s, Hay went solo, recorded several albums, and began making movie appearances. None of which we would have ever known about, had we not developed what can only be called a 'Scrubs fetish' a few years back... but that's a story for another post.

Colin Hay plays for FREE in the Wolf Den at Mohegan Sun this Wednesday at 8pm. Mohegan Sun is located in scenic Uncasville, CT. We hope to see you there.

This Weekend: Electric Six

We've been fans ever since stumbling upon Rathergood.com's splendidly stupid viking kitties video interpretation of Electric Six's "Gay Bar." So we are excited to see the band is coming to Connecticut, brought to us by the always (usually) tasteful, Manic Productions. Simultaneously addictive and obnoxious, Electric Six strike that delicate balance between brilliance and retardation. Check out our other favorite song, "Dance Commander."

Electric Six will be playing Saturday, Aug. 22 at Daniel Street in scenic Milford, CT.

Cocktails & Dreams (Tonight!)

Well, I've been down and out at scenic Hartford Hospital, but now I'm home and gearing up to get back in the mix. I'm enjoying a fine recovery diet of Jell-o and percocets, but if I were going out, I would consider the monthly Creative Cocktail Hour at Real Art Ways, which is tonight, and every third Thursday. Whether or not the art opening is any good (IMNHO), these events always give me the feeling of being part of a progressive, intellectual subculture in Greater Hartford, an impression I rarely have at the Webster Theatre, no matter how totally on the verge the band no one has shown up to see is. This time, alas, I'll just be sipping a cocktail at home.