What Not To Hear: Halestorm

Friday, Oct. 30: Halestorm @ The Webster, Hartford

Frontwoman Lizzie Hale is a babe, no doubt about it. But lest you think we are hating on her for being a moderately successful rocker lady and we're not, let it be known that we like looking at hot chicks, and place no genitalia restrictions on musicians we'll listen to.

Unfortunately Halestorm is just a contemporary cock rock band with a vagina on top, or in the front, or whatever. They don't even bother turning the tables on the expected misogyny. Bland nu-metal is plenty bad enough on it's musical merits alone, but Halestorm go the extra inch with gag-inducing lyrics. Their radio hit, "I Get Off" is all about how excruciatingly hot it is to have some voyeur watch you and think he's getting away with something, but then HAHA, no he isn't, because you're twisted and you love that shit. You win!

Somehow we suspect that Lizzie is not so amorous towards actual stalkers, peeping toms and dressing room crashers. But hey, whatever it takes to get the neanderthal demographic to pay up.

P.S. Sick Hot Topic wardrobe, guys. We totally shopped there. In high school.

NOT Hot at the Lot

Catalina Coffee Co. Morning Coffee

found @ Ocean State Job Lot, Bloomfield

Pantry purchases from tha lot always run the risk of disappointing, but as we've mentioned before, this disappointment generally comes so cheaply that you can't hold a grudge. You might even say it was "worth it" for the knowledge, because knowledge is good.

But some things are too terrible to know, and the "full flavor" of Morning Coffee is one of those. You might think we should know better - coffee from a can, with milk? Really? But it's delicious when Starbucks does it - matter of fact, it's about the only thing they do right! Anyway, the rancid stench hits you first, but if that didn't deter you, you'd be on to the pissy taste.

Morning coffee is cheap at 50 cents a can, but just because you "can" doesn't mean that you should.

My Milkshake Brings all the Whatevers to the You Know

Sometimes (often) instead of eating a "meal" I enjoy a milkshake instead. I enjoy it a lot. My fantastic formula consists of coffee ice cream, unsweetened soy milk, crunchy peanut butter and chocolate syrup. I don't know the exact quantities, and I certainly don't know (or want to consider) the caloric implications. I will say this: use plenty of peanut butter (a heaping tablespoon) and go sparingly with the chocolate, otherwise the chocolate is all you will taste, and then what was the point of including peanut butter at all?

Look, it looks gross in the blender!

And then it looks fine in your glass.

And since I alluded to it and now it's all in your head, let's all enjoy the milkshake song one more time. Maybe you've seen this cute version with high school teachers nerdin' it up? I know, that's some old news, but still adorable! Try my damn milkshake.

Embarrassing-esque

We have oft maintained that it is more or less intellectually lazy to criticize others' shortcomings in the areas of spelling and grammar. But sometimes other people's fuck-ups are just too funny to ignore. And while spelling and grammar in informal venues like message boards and comments sections is one thing, glaring malapropisms on a business website are quite another.

From the Hungry Tiger monthly music calendar:

COLUMBIA FIELDS - Fresh off their new CD release produced by Singer /songwriter Grayson Minney and Eric Health this "Dave Mathews" esk type band

So thanks for the laugh, Hungry Tiger, even if it was cheap and we feel kind of dirty now. Keep on doing what you do. Trad blues and Dave Matthews-esque rock are certainly not our first choice cup of tea, but we appreciate your ongoing commitment to live original entertainment in Connecticut, and the fact that we regularly get hit on by men and women when we do make it out to your joint. Maybe it's something in the tea. We would even consider going to see aging guitar hero Jimi Bell and Diamondback on Oct. 30, if only to get hit on by weird old biker ladies with too much information to share about Mr. Bell's jimmy, but we have actually have hipper, sexier plans that evening.

On Screen: Ad Men

The advertising industry has benefited from cultural cachet thanks to AMC's Mad Men - philandering and alcoholism never looked so sexy! Art & Copy is a real life behind the scenes of memorable advertising. We'd consider checking it out, in spite of all those angry critical essays we may or may not have written in college, taking down boorish, sexist popular culture in general, and evil adverts in particular. Art & Copy is now playing at Real Art Ways. Look how Hartford, CT is part of the exclusive list on their website! We're so fucking sophisticated here.

Semi-related: a friend mentioned this tasteful spot to us yesterday:

Midweek Music: Silversun Pickups

Tuesday, Oct. 20: Silversun Pickups @ The Webster, Hartford

Hey it's that Smashing Pumpkins sounding indie rock band - you know the one. Isn't it sort of weirdly refreshing to hear some 90s influenced music? Isn't that hot girl who looks kind of like a hot boy in that one video hot? The (Hartford, not gay) Advocate has some supplementary information, including the strange tale of the opening band, Cage the Elephant, whose label transplanted them from Kentucky to London to build up a fan base. We met another band with that story once. Ah, the rock n' roll life...

Made In CT

When in Winsted, I always buy lunch from the Stop n' Shop salad bar, which is relatively healthy and hella cheap. Yesterday I didn't have a drink from home, so I also picked up a "Currant Affair," because I was thirsty, but mostly because that name is just so cute. The label boasts of black currants' ultra high Vitamin C and antioxidant content, and appeals to Euro/Anglophilia with references to the popularity of black currants throughout Europe. (It's true - they flavor their candies and sodas with it!) Connecticut Currant's Currant Affair juice has simple ingredients - just juice, water and sugar, and most importantly, it is a product of our own Preston, Connecticut. So now you can drink elite, healthy and local all at the same time. The flavor, for the unitiated, is not quite as sweet and addictive as some other purple juices - like those pricey pomegranate and acai cocktails - but with a subtle, mature charm of its own, which I suspect has great potential as an alcohol mixer.

You're still the one, Creative Cocktail Hour

Although we flirted with some other Thursday night drinking occasions this month, something just didn't fit. The Atheneum was too uptight; the Science Center was too pricey. But last night's event at Real Art Ways was just right. We caught up with fashionable friends and complimented their wardrobe choices, drank reasonably priced beverages, enjoyed the free munchies (from the Wood-n-Tap this time around), and were impressed by this month's art by Zak Ové. Seriously, if we're paying a $10 cover, we're gonna need some reasonably priced beverages and free shit, ok? We may be willing to give those other nights another chance some time, if we have nothing better to do, and maybe someone else pays, but we'll always find time and money for the Creative Cocktail Hour.

Doesn't Nick Lowe Look Cool?

Friday, Oct. 16: Nick Lowe @ Infinity Hall, Norfolk

Look at Nick Lowe, all sharp dressed with that bemused expression, pen poised for his crossword puzzle. Pen! That is our kind of guy; we too look forward to doing our crossword puzzle every week, and looking askance at people. You may have heard his late 70s hits, "Cruel to be Kind" or "(What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace Love and Understanding" - heck, even we have. Check out Nick Lowe this Friday at our newest favorite venue.

What's Hot at the Lot?

Juice & Cookies @ Ocean State Job Lot, Bloomfield

Ocean State Job Lot is the ideal venue for experimental eating on a budget. Though these gambles often enough end up disappointing, they do so cheaply; when they pleasantly surprise, it feels like a steal.

Today's prize find is First Blush varietal grape juices, made from California Merlot, Cabernet and Syrah grapes. It's a clever little wine-y pretense, but of course it just tastes like grape juice (which is exactly what it is), but it's perfectly serviceable grape juice with no added high fructose bullshit in a satisfyingly pretentious bottle, for 70 cents apiece at the Lot.

Cafe Kranzl (I'm too lazy to find the special characters) cookies score points for being chocolate-y without being sickly sweet. A fine find $2 a box and don't they look pretty?

(You're welcome)