What Not To Hear: Mohegan Sun Edition

This Weekend @ Mohegan Sun

Like Axl Rose said, it's all a gamble when it's just a game, but you can bet on an ear-bleeding marathon of suck this weekend at Mohegan Sun Casino. How do you like our puns, by the way?

It begins with AI alum Kelly Clarkson, performing this Friday night. We find that a lot of otherwise reasonable people seem to like the karaoke champ, often for such inane nonmusical reasons as "she doesn't dress like a slut" and "she's not super skinny." Well, awesome, they would probably love us too! We'll get that record out asap. In the meantime, we're just not that into middle-of-the-road pop propelled to superstardom by middle aged middle America.

Next up we have KISS (performing Saturday). While we appreciate their frankness on subjects like the pursuit of personal wealth and sexy womens, we suppose we can respectfully agree to disagree with them and their legion of fans on the entertainment value of men in clown suits playing bland repetitive hard rock in front of fire works. If we're going to get down to costumed performers, we prefer a little shock with our rock.

It hardly seems fair to mention wash-ups Warrant in the same breath (post, whatever) as the aforementioned headliners, but while you're avoiding bad music at Mohegan Sun this weekend, you may as well also not see Warrant perform Sunday night. Former pretty boy turned not-at-all pretty Celebrity Fit Club contestant Jani Lane isn't even the band anymore, and what is an 80s hair ensemble without their original frontman?